I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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