True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
