Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
