I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Randomize
