we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
