i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
ttyl tear gas
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
