I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
