the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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