The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You have to summon your inner elephant
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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