Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
