Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
