Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
