How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
