There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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