you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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