Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize