I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
