..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
A bitchslap is in order.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
