Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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