Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
