Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
