Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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