Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I will be naked everywhere
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
