shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
