walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
