I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
