xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
