I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
