something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
