Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
