My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
