I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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