Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
