Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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