Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
