She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
