the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
