I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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