apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my shit smells like andre
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
