...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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