he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I AM VODKA MAN
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You are the jesus of drinking
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
