yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
