ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
