good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
