Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
