quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
