My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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