i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
