apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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