capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
