dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
third nipple confirmed
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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