I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
