I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
