Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Be still, my beating vagina.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
