Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
